Top 64 Ways To Piss Off a Cop
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Top 64 Ways To Piss Off a Cop
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  1. When you get pulled over, say, "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol."
  2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
  3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf
  4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say, "No. My speedometer only goes up to..."
  5. Touch him.
  6. When he asks you why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
  7. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
  8. Refer to him by his first name.
  9. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
  10. When he says no, cry.
  11. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harrasment.
  12. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
  13. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
  14. When he asks you to spread 'em, tell him you don't go that way.
  15. When he puts on the handcuffs, say, "My dates usually buy me dinner first."
  16. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, 'cause you don't like to get ink on your fingers.
  17. After you sign the ticket and give it back to him, say, "Oooops! That's the wrong name."
  18. Bribe him with donuts and when he agrees, tell him, "Sorry, I just ate the last one."
  19. When he comes up to the car, say, "licence and registration, please" right when he says it.
  20. When he starts to read your rights, sing, "La La La La, I can't hear you!"
  21. Trip and fall into him.
  22. Accuse him to police brutality when he pushes you away.
  23. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. (you are using his pen).
  24. Chew on the pen, nervously.
  25. Clean your ear with the pen.
  26. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
  27. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say, "I thought that name sound familiar..."
  28. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.
  29. Act like you're retarded.
  30. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly
  31. Or mumble to yourself.
  32. When he tells you to stop, say "What are you talking about, DUDE ?"
  33. Drive the Dunkin' Donut and say, "Hmmmmmm...only five of you here tonight..."
  34. Ask if they know how to make the donuts
  35. When he comes to the car, say, "I have a badge just like that."
  36. Ask if he watches "COPS."
  37. Ask if he ever watched "Cop Rock".
  38. Giggle if he did
  39. Talk to your hand.
  40. Ask him if he knows Rosy Palmer and her five favorite friends.
  41. Accuse him of sexual harrassment if he does.
  42. When he frisks you, grin and say, "You missed a spot..."
  43. When he asks to inspect your car, say, "There is no alcohol in my car, sir. The last cop took it."
  44. Try to sell him your car.
  45. Ask if you can buy his car.
  46. If he takes you to the station, ask to sit up front.
  47. Play with the siren
  48. If you know him, tell him you had his wife for dinner.
  49. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner.
  50. Ooopps...I meant "OVER" for dinner.
  51. Ask if he ever had poon-tang.
  52. If he asks what that is, point at him and giggle.
  53. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
  54. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him, and laugh.
  55. When you are in the back of his car, touch his neck through the screen.
  56. Turn your head and whistle.
  57. When he pulls out his night stick, ask, "What are you gonna do with that?"
  58. If you are a female, say, "I don't do that on the first date."
  59. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.
  60. Ask if you can see his gun.
  61. When he says it isn't allowed, tell him, "I just wanted to see if mine is bigger"
  62. Stare at his lights and say, "Look at the pretty colors"
  63. Tell him you like men in uniforms.
  64. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party.

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