The Big List o' Frank
Remember there's a big difference between
kneeling down and bending over.
You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 nuclear powered pansexual
you're gonna have to pay for it.
He was in a quandary...being devoured by the swirling cesspool of his own
desires... uh.. the guy was a wreck
And now....you are going to dance...like you've never danced before!
the band on down behind me, boys.
Not a speck of cereal.
Nothing but the best for my dog.
beer, you played golf, you watched football - WE EVOLVED!
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47!
your make-up, you'd better make your mind up.
They're serving burgers in the back!
Jazz is not dead...it
just smells funny.
Beebop tango introduction
I have a message to deliver to the cute people of the world...if
cute, or maybe you're beautiful...there's MORE OF US UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS
OUT THERE THAN YOU ARE!! So watch out.
that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?
You're an asshole! You're an asshole!<BR>
That's right! You're an
asshole! You're an asshole! Yes yes!
Number one ain't you...
You ain't even number two.
We could jam
in Joe's garage,<BR>
we didn't have no dope or LSD,<BR>
but a coupl'o'quarts o'beer,<BR>
fix it so the intonation,<BR>
would not offend your ear.
Who are the brain police?
This is the
exciting part. <BR>
This is like the Supremes <BR>
see the way it builds up?<BR>
prune isn't really a vegetable...<BR>
CABBAGE is a vegetable...
Here's one for mother
and she knows how to NASTY
ARE YOU HUNG UP?
Diamonds on velvets on goldens on vixen<BR>
& cupid on donner & blitzen<BR>
On up & away & afar & a go-go<BR>
Escape from the weight
of your corporate logo!
Don't it ever get lonesome?
Eddie, are you kidding?
I'll do the stupid
thing first and then you shy people follow...
Stupidity is the basic building block of the universe.
try to get your peter sucked in France.
Kill Ugly Radio
I'm not black, but there's a whole lot of
I wish I could say I'm not white.
Help! I'm a rock!
Another day, another sausage...
I want a garden!
mind your make-up<BR>
you'd better make your mind up.
On a personal level, Freaking Out is a process whereby
individual casts off outmoded and restricting standars of
thinking, dress, and social etiquette in order to express
his relationship to his immediate environment and
the social structure as a whole.
from the liner notes of Freak
Great googly-moogly - you're gonna do it too!
Information is not knowledge, <BR>
is not wisdom, <BR>
Wisdom is not truth, <BR>
Truth is not beauty, <BR>
Beauty is not love, <BR>
is not music <BR>
and Music is THE BEST
Gee, it's so hard to find a place to park around here.
guitar is like fucking -- you never forget it.
Unless you're really, really stupid.
are more love songs than anything else.<BR>
If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.
classical music is the state of the art,<BR>
then the arts are in a sad state.
Beauty is a French phonetic
corruption of a short, cloth neck
ornament, currently in resurgence.
Gotta go bye bye...<BR>
Cop kill a creep!<BR>
Pow pow pow
Modern music is a sick puppy.
claim that hydrogen, because it is
so plentiful, is the basic building block of the
universe. I dispute that. I say
there is more
stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic
building block of the universe.
Most people wouldn't
know good music if it came up and bit them in the ass.
As quoted in <B>Whole Grains</B>, an early 1970's
book of quotations
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty
I just might have some thing to say.<BR>
person who stands up and says, ``This is
stupid,'' either is asked to `behave' or, worse,
is greeted with a cheerful
``Yes, we know!
Isn't it terrific!''
The more BORING a child is, the more the parents,
when showing off the
child, receive adulation for
being GOOD PARENTS -- because they have a TAME
CHILD-CREATURE in their house.
worst aspect of `typical familyism'
(as media-merchandised) is that it
has said in interviews that one of the
things that makes our relationship work is
the fact that we hardly ever get to
The language and concepts contained herein are
guaranteed not to cause eternal torment
place where the guy with the horns and pointed
stick conducts his business.
My best advice to anyone
who wants to raise a
happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or
her as far away from a church as you can.
like having the capitol of the United
States in Washington, D.C., in spite of
recent efforts to move it to Lynchburg,
[Barney Frank] is one of the most
impressive guys in Congress. He is a
great model for young gay men.
are naive -- they trust everyone.
School is bad enough, but, if you put a child
anywhere in the vicinity of a church,
asking for trouble.
It would be easier to pay off the national debt
overnight than to neutralize the
effects of OUR NATIONAL STUPIDITY.
Nuclear explosions under the Nevada desert?<BR>
fuck are we testing for?<BR>
We already know the shit blows up.<BR>
Politics is the
Star Wars won't work. Star Wars won't work.
The gas still gets through; it could get right
you. And what about those germs, now?
Star Wars won't work.
Washington, D.C.: a city infested with
-- and Congressional Blow-Boys
who WISH they were statues.
Thanks to our schools and political leadership,
U.S. has acquired an international reputation
as the home of 250 million people dumb enough to
buy 'The Wacky Wall-Walker.'
has a certain charm --
ignorance does not.
The real question is:
Is it possible to laugh
single-child yuppo-family that uses the child
as a status object: `A perfect child? Of course!
We have one here -- he's
under the coffee table.
Ralph, stand up! Play the violin!'
Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy
but, when put to
the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.' We have opted instead
for an authoritarian system
<B>disguised</B> as a Democracy. We pay through
the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push
us around, and
then wonder how all those assholes got in there.
In every language, the first word after "Mama!"
that every kid learns to say
is "Mine!" A system that doesn't allow ownership, that doesn't allow you to
when you grow up, has -- to put it mildly -- a fatal design flaw.
From the time Mr. Developing Nation was
forced to read _The Little Red Book_
in exchange for a blob of rice, till the time he figured out that waiting in
for a loaf of pumpernickel was boring as fuck, took about three
Decades of indoctrination,
manipulation, censorship and KGB excursions haven't
altered this fact: People want a piece of their own little Something-or-Other,
if they don't get it, have a tendency to initiate counterrevolution.
If it sounds GOOD to YOU, it's bitchen; and
if it sounds BAD to YOU, it's
The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact
design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
not be too tough on our own ignorance. It's the thing that makes
America great. If America weren't incomparably ignorant,
how could we
have tolerated the last eight years?
Lord have mercy on the people in England for the terrible food
people must eat. And Lord have mercy on the fate of this
movie and God bless the mind of the man in the street.
"So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a
FZ: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"
your children ever find out how lame you really are, they'll
gonna murder you in your sleep....
As quoted in <B>Whole
Grains</B>, an early 1970's book of quotations
I'm not a man for all seasons but I'm doing something right.<BR>
Zappa during the Senate PMRC hearings.
Ugly as I mights be, I am your futum!
There is no hell. There is
``Conducting'' is when you draw ``designs'' in the nowhere -- with
your stick, or with your hands
-- which are interpreted as
``instructional messages'' by guys wearing bow ties who wish they
music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production
deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.
bassoon is one of my favorite instruments. It has the medieval aroma
-- like the days when everything used to sound like
Some people crave baseball -- I find this unfathomable --
but I can easily understand
why a person
could get excited about playing a bassoon.
Whatever you have to do to have a good time, let's get
on with it,
so long as it doesn't cause a murder.
Politics is the showbiz of industry.
Let's just admit that public
education is mediocre at best.
Without deviation from the norm, 'progress' is not possible.
The last election
just laid the foundation of the next 500
years of Dark Ages
Look, just because you have got
that fuckin' thing between
your legs it doesn't make any diference. If a girl does
something stupid I am going to
call her just as I would a
A world of sexual incompetents, encountering
eachother, under disco circumstances...
Now can't you
do songs about that?
A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on
molecules,often with the assistence of
There is no such thing as a dirty word. Nor is
there a word so powerful,
that it's going to send the listener to the lake of fire upon hearing it.
when did mediocrity and banality become a good
image for your children?
Why do you necessarily have to be wrong
just because a few million people
think you are?
Life is like highschool with money.
Senate Hearing on "Porn Rock", 1985 during an exchange with
a Born Again Christian.
ever you're going, don't walk the first.
If you do, people will think you know where you're going.
A drug is
not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes
in when people who take drugs treat them like a licence to behave
like an asshole.
Flatulence can be cruel!
Speed: It will turn you into your parents.
service announcement regarding drug (namely, speed) use
Sopranos!? That's why God made the rocket launcher and grenade!
& I were talking about the difficulties of getting
good performances of music each of us write. I asked him
had had as many problems with sopranos and I had had.
That was his response!
I got to drive him around
Ohio in April 1984 for the week he was at Ohio State
participating in the 1984 National Conference of the
American Society of University Composers. We spent lots of
hours together during that week and stayed in touch
-- E. Michael Harrington
There were 45 men in the jail cell, the toilet and shower
had never been cleaned, the
temperature was 110 degrees so
you couldn't sleep night or day, there were roaches in the
oatmeal, sadistic guards,
and everything that was nice.
Zappa 1969 interview
This had happened during the days of Studio Z
in Cucamonga (1963).
Frank was released on bail (his father took out a bank loan
to pay for it). Frank had been busted
for "conspiracy to
commit pornography," after making a silly recording of
suggestive sexual sounds (giggling edited
out) for someone
who had asked him to provide a "special" tape recording
for a stag night. That someone turned out
to be Detective Willis
of the San Bernadino Vice Squad. Their conversation was
recorded by a hidden microphone and this
was used as
evidence at Zappa's trial.
More info from "ZAPPA - A Visual Documentary by Miles",
Press, 1993, ISBN 0.7119.3099.6
Winos don't march.
This is a personal thing, I think
that if you wanted to make top ten hits
and sell millions of records, you could.
but who wants to go through life with a tiny nose and one glove on?
I was writing all kinds of positive and negative
and weird inverted this and retrograde that and getting as
spaced-out mathematically as I could and I was going
a minute (laughs), who cares about that stuff?" I
had always liked rhythm and blues so here I was stuck
slide rule and the gut bucket somewhere and I
decided that I would opt for a third road someplace in
an 1972 interview to Martin Perlich. On giving up writing serial music.
It is always advisable to be a loser if you
cannot become a winner.
I knew Jimi (Hendrix) and I think that the best thing
you could say about Jimi was: there
was a person who
shouldn't use drugs.
From the second of two FZ interviews which were transcribed from an
CD called "The Frank Zappa Interview Picture Disk".
Conducted sometime in early to mid 1984.
Sometimes you got
to get sick before you can feel better.
The emotion of every player is the most important thing, what
this chord or tone. If you leave that out, the
music does not touch you.
Interview from Keyboard June 1980. He
outlined his expectations
of keyboardists, and discussed plenty of other topics
pertinent to the keyboard chair in his
It's better to have something to remember than nothing to reget...
Why do people continue to compose
music, and even pretend to teach
others how to do it, when they already know the answer?
Nobody gives a fuck.
you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your
mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some
guy on TV telling you how to
do your shit, then YOU DESERVE IT.
From the Real Frank Zappa book.
is like a parachute. It doesnt work if it not open.
You've got to be digging it while it's happening<BR>
it just might be a one shot deal
There will never be a nuclear war; there's too much real
Zappa on the Tonight Show, C.A. 1988
Heaven would be a place where bullshit existed only
(Hallelujah! We's halfway there!)
Television. Sometime probably in 1988. The Real Frank Zappa Book
Don't expect anything,don't expect fun, don't expect friends..
if you get something...it's a BONUS
do I ever have alot of soul!!
A reference from "We're only in it for the money"
regarding his ability to strum,
sing dance, and make merry fun all over
Shoot low, they're riding Shetlands
distributors Music For Nations on the occasion of some
anniversary of theirs.
Everyone in thes room is wearing
a uniform, and don't kid yourself
Live at the Circle Star, from 20 Years on the Road, when notified there were
in uniform" in the audience.
Children are naive-they trust everyone. School is bad enough, but, if you
child anywhere in the vicinity of a church, you're asking for trouble.
Zappa expressing his opinion pertaining to
raising a child. He was saying
that institutions such as schools and churches, which have the power to
brainwash your child, are totally over rated, and shouldn't
always be recognized as a genuinely good thing.
ONLY thing that seems to band all nations together, is that their
governments are universally bad....
German television interview
If we can't be free at least we can be cheap.
Whoever we are, whereever we're
from, we should have noticed by now
our behaviour is dumb, and if our chances are expected to improve, it's
a lot more than trying to remove, the other race, or the other
whatever, from the face of the planet altogether
All Over, You Are What You Is
Nobody looks good bent over. Especially to pick up a cheque.
The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden
history. The fruit that was forbidden was on
the tree of
knowledge. The subtext is, All the suffering you have is
because you wanted to find out what was going on.
be in the Garden of Eden if you had just keep your fucking
mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions.
Interview, April 1993
When we talk about artistic freedom in this country
We sometime lose sight of the fact that
often dependent on adequate financing.
If you want to get laid, go to college, but if you want an education,
go to the library.
Quoted in the Pittsburgh Press in the summer of 67.
A lot of things wrong with society
today are directly
attributable to the fact that the people who make the
laws are sexually maladjusted.
"I Seem To Be a Verb" by R. Buckminster Fuller, 1970.
The gorilla is on an island,eats bananas and has a good time
all day long.
He plays out there in the bushes. Some Americans find out about the gorilla
and they hear how BIG he
is - you know.They're very impressed with the size
of the beast. So they catch the gorilla & they stick him in a boat
him back to the US.
They show him off to everybody & make a bunch of money.
...Then they kill him
The song King Kong.1968 tour Wisconsin.
Well, you know I've been here many times, and only certain
of the day when I'm here am I asleep; the rest of the
time I'm actually awake.
I have a filler on a dat with zappa
being interrogated by
a couple of swedish fans/state officers(who knows)...in which
they are arguing over the pornographic
contents of his
work. he tells them he has been spying on them, and claims
that their porno industry is bigger than
that of the US.
it's pretty funny.
btw-this is from thew '88 tour.
I can gross out anybody in this room.
during a concert at Mount Holyoke College in the early 1970s.
Anything played wrong twice in a row is the beginning
of an arrangement.
--I saw this in an email .sig at someone who sent in a comment to
"Elephant Talk"- the King Crimson
Outdoors for me is walking from the car to the ticket desk at the airport
smoke in "The Real FZ Book"
My music is like a movie for your eear
Here I stand hoping against hope that
it's a chick with a low voice
At a concert in Beloit, Wisconsin 1968 or 69 a guy in the
audience yelled out, "Eat
Don't clap for destroying America. This place is as good as you want to make it.
"Billy the Mountain" by revealing that Billy and
Ethel took a vacation trip across the united States, destroying it in
process. This was Zappa's response to the applause and cheers from the
audience. Cleveland Colliseum, 1971
it can be conceived as music, it can be executed as music, and presented to
an audience in such a way that they will perceive
it as music: "Look at this.
Ever seen one of these before? I built this for you. What do you mean, 'What
the fuck is
it?' It's a goddam ETUDE, asshole."
This is a really nice place. Don't fuck it up.
Chrysler Hall, Norfolk,
Virginia in the Spring of 1984.
A very genteel place to see fine compositions performed live.
Usually the opera folks
hang out there.
The whole Universe is a large joke.
Everything in the Universe are just subdivisions of this joke.
why take anything too serious.
In September 1992 on SFB 3 when he gave an interview about the Yellow Shark.
can't write a chord ugly enough to say what you want sometimes, so
you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.
a postcard from Rykodisc
Kid's heads are filled with so many nonfacts that when they get out of
totally unprepared to do anything. They can't read, they
can't write, they can't think. Talk about child abuse. The U.S.
system as a whole qualifies.
Discussing the state of the education system in America -
We haven't got'em whipped on this one yet. You got a bear by the tail here,
of Rights ground into 'hoopla' by a woman (presumably a senator's
wife). from sleeve MOP -1985.
There are fourty
people in this world, and five of them are hamburgers.
It was in a book of "Rock quotes" that I read in college,
10 years ago.
None of the quotes were put into any context.
Or is this a Beefheart quote?
something goes wrong and you tend to smile it away, then
you have someone to blame.
Drop out of school, before
your mind rots from exposure to our mediocre
educational system. Go to the library and educate yourself if you've got
Quoted from an article on FZ in the June 1995 issue of
"SLUG" magazine. Article titled "Zappa
behind the Sneer.
I think the magazine may be a local (Salt Lake City) publication.
Never stop until your good
becomes better, and your better becomes the best.
Now imagine a Moebius vortex inside a spherical constant, and you've
The people of your century no longer require the service of composers.
is as useful to a person in a jogging suit as a dinsoaur turd
in the middle of his runway.
from the Them Or Us
THE VERY BIG STUPID is a thing which breeds by eating The
Future. Have you seen it? It sometimes disguises
itself as a
good-looking quarterly bottom line, derived by closing the R&D
from The Real
Frank Zappa book.
For my taste, these solos (of some 50s blues guitarists) are
exemplary because what is being
played seems honest and, in a
musical way, a direct extension of the personality of the men
who played them.
We play the new free music,
music as the absolutely free,
unencumbered by American cultural suppression
not pretty, also you can't dance to it.
There's no single ideal listener out there who likes my orchestral music,
guitar albums and songs like 'Dyna-Moe-Humm.'
It's all one big note.
Ladies and gentleman, watch Ruth.
All through the show, Ruth
has been thinking...Ruth has been thinking? ALL THROUGH THE SHOW???
17 November 1974,
We'll get back to the wimp, and his low-budget concepshum of personal
freedom, in just a moment
can tell what they think of our music by the places we
are forced to play it in. This looks like a good spot for
April 1968, Chicago,
Mothers of Invention open for Cream
I'm not going to be Bill Clinton and
say I never inhaled. I did
inhale. I liked tobacco a lot better.
The notion of a "guitar
solo" has preconceptions based on it;
people automatically refute it because it's supposed to be self-indulgent or
musicians." It's almost like things become iconographic and somehow lose
their value for outsiders.
who's fault is that? That's what _writers_ do. Musicians don't do that.
The average person doesn't sit around thinking
about "iconographic problems
of a guitar solo."
Interview for Musician magazine, by Matt Resnicoff, November
Reprinted in July 1995 Issue.
Consider for a moment any beauty in the name Ralph.
In an interview
with Joan Rivers who had just asked him why he gave his
children such odd names, Frank gave the reply above.
write the music I like. If other people like it, fine, they
can go buy the albums. And if they don't like it, there's always
Jackson for them to listen to.
Frank was talking about his music from the Yellow Shark.
I never set out
to be wierd. It was always the other people who called
To the Baltimore Sun, October 12, 1986
don't want to spend explaining myself whole my life.
Either you get , or you don't!
Government is the Entertainment
Division of the military-industrial complex.
from the Real Frank Zappa Book
Why doncha come on over to the
house and I'll show 'em to ya?
Senate hearing on pornography in music, when Tipper said ...
"I'd like to see what
kind of toys your children play with."
Throwing objects such as this are capable of damaging
equipment and musicians. Any more of this
and there will be no more music.
FZ, Autumn 1981 at Northrup auditorium
Minnesota. After someone threw a plunger on stage about
two-thirds of the way through the show, he
stopped the band
with a wave of his hand speaking in the general direction
that the dangerous object was thrown, while
holding it in
This did not prove to be an amusing act and Franks mood
- It was, however, an
evening of excellent, serious
musicianship around the release of 'Shut up and play
the most physically inspiring of all the arts.
Said as he gave the keynote address at the American Society
University Composers in Columbus Ohio in 1985.
And all the rest of whom for which to whensonever of
indeterminate bio-chemical degredation. Seek the
path to the sudsy yellow nozzle of
their foaming nocturnal parametric
inter-faith geo-thermal terpsichorean ejectamenta.
From board tape at Zappa concert, outdoors,
at Blossom Music Center,
Akron, Ohio, summer 1984. This quote was in the middle of a spoken section
of "The Mud Club"
in which a dude walks into the club with a blue Mohawk and
proceeds to "work the floor, work the wall, work the monitor
system. . . ."
The band was having monitor feedback problems at the Blossom concert, and
there are numerous references
to P.A. equipment throughout this ramble.
Other than that, the quote is meaningless, I guess. But great imagery!
get nothing with your college degree
from Roxy & Elsewhere
With the power of soul you can do anything
you wanna do.
I guess he was takling about the feeling of his music.
It was in a guitar magazine.
the small fret guitar-playing technique that
musicians have a tendency to display while in pursuit of a
a waitress and a hoover vacuum...
This, of course, from his book.
Beware of forest fires...Don't fuck too hot-a-gal
in it might
jest set em on fire.
From a series of bootlegs that were recorded i n the 3 European tours that
travelled with during my illustrious military career in Pirmasens
W. Germany....11/76-6/79...most of the quotes came from
the live titties
and beer versions with fz and skinny little terry ted bozio. Definitely
in Paris, Stutgart and outside
of Kaiserslaughtern ( K-Town )
It was 11 o'clock upon a friday nite...you know that me an' her were feelin'
20 reds and a big ol' pile of weed...ya know we drank some
wine and then we LSD'd...well Chrissy puked twice and jumped
on my bike...she
said fire it up because you know what I like...then she burned her leg on the
tailpipe then and said
shiter-ree and puked again....
From a series of bootlegs that were recorded i n the 3 European tours that
with during my illustrious military career in Pirmasens
W. Germany....11/76-6/79...most of the quotes came from the live
and beer versions with fz and skinny little terry ted bozio. Definitely
in Paris, Stutgart and outside of
Kaiserslaughtern ( K-Town )
Playing guitar with this band is like trying to grow
WATERMELON IN EASTER HAY.
get a second opinion.
His personal physician did not diagnose prostate cancer
before it was too advanced to treat
with any success.
Freak me out, Frank!
I think "when" is a very important thing, but "what the fuck!" is
very important thing to ask. Just keep asking "what the fuck?" I mean,
why the fuck bother? See what i mean?
The important thing is, deal with
the "when". "When" will open a lot of shit for you.
"What the fuck" really makes
it easier to deal with it when you understand
It's fucking great to be alive, ladies and gentlemen,
if you do not believe it is fucking great to be alive,
you better go now, because this show will bring you down so much
Just Another Band From L.A.
All right, Zubin, hit it!
Frank's onstage cue to conductor Zubin Mehta during
effort with the L.A. Philharmonic orchestra in 1970
The crux of the biscuit is: If it entertains
you, fine. Enjoy it. If it
doesn't, then blow it out your ass. I do it to amuse myself. If I like it,
I release it.
If somebody else likes it, that's a bonus.
What he's talking about is obvious. He said this in an interview with
Playboy magazine on May 2, 1993.
You can tell what they think of our music by the places we are forced to
it in. This looks like a good spot for a livestock show.
The Mothers of Invention were opening for Cream in April
of 1968 in Chicago.
The place was very large and did look like it had been used for displays of
cattle and other such
It has never mattered to me that thirty million people might think I'm wrong.
The number of people who
thought Hitler was right did not make him right...
Why do you necessarily have to be wrong jus because a few million people
Why they don't play my stuff on the radio<BR>
From the Real Frank Zappa Book (1989 Poseidon
The Future is scary! (Yes, it sure is!)
It makes me wanna dance.
From a FZ interview about
some music he had composed (on the synclavier).
It was written in 17/35 (or something like that).
This is Frank
Zappa saying, Don't do speed. Speed turns you into your parents.
this used to play OFTEN as a public service announcement(PSA)
radio station WHFS at 102.5 FM in bethesda,MD.USA during
the early '70's. it was followed by a nearly inaudible
"...but grass and acid are o.k.", which may have
been frank, or one of the mothers.
I never took a shit on stage,
and the closest I ever came to eating shit
anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973.
The Real Frank Zappa book.
Rain is good for you...<BR>
Rain is bad for electrical equipment...
concert, Jones Beach, NY, Circa 1984
You can't be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an
airline - it helps
if you have some kind of a football team
or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.
looks good in brown lipstick
Get yer ass out there and register to VOTE!
Whenever your down, just think
about how you got there.
Anything over a mouthful is wasted.
The family was from Arkansas. The Dad (Dink)
was a furniture salesman in
San Bernardino, but, back in the way-bak-when, he used to play 'bones' or
'spoons' in a
minstrel show. To relive the golden days of yesteryear he
would, from time to time, force his children to accompany him
on guitar, Kenny on trombone) in a living room replay of a minstrel routine
called "Lazy Bones.
kids often found this to be an inconvenience, as they were fascinated by,
and constantly perfecting new techniques for,
The Manly Art Of Fart-Burning.
Kenny explained to me that it was scientific - that it demonstrated (this is
quote) "Compression, ignition, combustion and exhaust."
Kenny & Ronnie Williams (later "immortalized" in
"Let's Make The Water
From "The Real Frank Zappa Book" Chapter 4
I can't think of
anything I like more than audience participation
From the Mothers of Prevention
To me, cigarettes are food
to an assertion that his nicotine habit conflicted with his anti-drug
May you'll never hear a vloerbedekking
The beginning of "Theme from Lumpy Gravy," performed in Rotterdam,
The Netherlands. Vloerbedekking means
"carpet" in Dutch. It must be one of
the Frank's made up musical terms translated into Dutch, just like putting
It's not ordinary and it's not mundane,but it does not involve golden showers
was talking about his sex life with Gail in 1980. This information comes
from a book I picked up the other day entitled
Frank Zappa: in his own words
Ooooh the way you love me baby,<BR>
I get so hard now I could die.<BR>
the way you squeeze me lady<BR>
red balloons just pop behind my eyes
Magic Fingers, 200 Motels
see, when I was a kid I used to save up for a month, so I could get
an R&B album and, the same day, the completed
works of Anton Webern.
Maybe that means something. Maybe that tells you something about my music.
the book "Rock and Other Four Letter Words", copyright 1968.
Seeing a psychotherapist is not a crazy idea, it
wanting a second opinion of ones life.
All year long you people manufactured this crap, and one night a year you've
got to listen to it!
Frank introducing "psychedelic music" to the audience of the National Academy
Arts & Science dinner in New York (1968) at which the
Mothers were invited to play
Did anybody dance?
after performing the highly, shall we say, evolved "Black Page #2" on
"Zappa In New York". (And as you probably already
this was the song that alerted FZ to the existance of his stunt guitarist to
be,Steve Vai, after recieving a
sheet music transcription of the song,
made by young master Vai.)
....and then they put them on their heads,they
were having a
good time,the girl was in the water,she didn't even see what
was going on with her UNDERPANTS.But wearing
looked just like a tiny little PARTY HAT!
Establishing the tradition of the JAZZ DISCHARGE PARTY
whilst in Alberquerque,New Mexico.(The Man From Utopia,1983)
I'd like to know who's Plunkin' the monkeys?
was on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.
I can't remember the year maybe 10 years ago?
They were talking about AIDS
and how AIDS all got started, he had 3 theory's.
First Frank said something about AIDS being a government test gone wrong
maybe it was an Alien (ET) test or mistake and finally they talked
about the theory of AIDS coming from a monkey and then
said " I'd like to know who's plunkin' the monkey's?"
This is Frank Zappa suggesting you Un-Load yourself...
do Smack or Downers.
Public service announcement on KMET rock radio in
Southern California during the Early Mid-Seventies.
can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you
want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe
with whipped cream.
May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face.
to Mrs. Gore about parental advisory
labels on album covers
Bad facts make bad laws
Said during the PMRC hearings.
Well, you know people,
I'd rather have my own game show than enough votes
to become president.
The drummer's playing in 4/4, the Saxophone
player is playing 5/4,
the guitar player is picking his nose....
A true Zen saying, nothing is what I want.
Roxy & Elsewhere, Dec 1973
Beware of the fish people, they are the true enemy
Speaking at a ProChoice
rally in Los Angeles around 1989-90.
Anything can be music
Answer to critics accusing him of not doing actual
music on Uncle Meat
Did everyone hear the great news today? Jimmy Swaggart; under investigation.
One day every
one of those cocksuckers will get caught.
Hypocritical television evangelists; "Make A Jazz Noise Here" was the album.
The live performance was either in Boston or Poughkeepsie.
Seriousity is something to be laughed at.
responding to Ivo Niehe from Dutch television after being told that
Europeans take Frank's music very serious.
smart and i`ll fuck you over-Sayeth The Lord
About the basics of Christianity and it`s perpetuation of ignorance as a
Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy
asks you a bunch of questions,
and if you pay enough money you get to join
the master race. How's that for a religion?
Concert at the Rockpile,
Toronto, May 1969
My music makes the mind think
Time magazine Dec.20/93, page 73
Yeah, I tell them
to change the channel if they see
some guy in a brown suit with a telephone number
at the bottom of the screen asking
on being asked by Tipper Gore if there was anything
on the TV he _didn't_ allow his kids to watch ...
I'll go out and get a little action.
Pamela Zarubica described this as something Zappa would say
an average day. This time her husband was
visiting and FZ scared the crap out of him... he was
compared to Dr. Zhivago.
I read this little story
in MOTHER! the Frank Zappa Story.
This tree is ugly and it wants to DIE...
art work on the "Absolutely Free" cover
Producing satire is kind of hopeless because of the literacy rate of
A quote in response to criticism of "Jewish Princess" ("People" magazine,
think (Abbey Road is) the best engineered, best mastered rock
and roll album ever produced...except that I take exception
to stereo placement.
From "Frank Zappa talks about Faves, Raves, and composers in their g
raves" - some English
publication, I think.
(2 & 3 from the book, "The Lives and Times of Frank Zappa and the Mothers",
thing again (got it at Blue Meanie Imports in San Diego fifteen
DENSE, PUTRID VAPORS from a SMOKE
GUN (we rent it)
From another Zappa graphic, this time a poster advertising a concert:
with the Mothers..."
For some real personal satisfaction, try yelling out your own names.
At a concert in
Boston, Massachusetts to some fans (my friends) who kept
yelling out Frank's name.
I wrote a song about dental
floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?
In response to Tipper Gore's allegations that music incites people towards
deviant behavior, or influences their behavior in general.
I didn't know such things existed, a guy walking in
of the stage with a fucking t-shirt to sell to somebody,
well you live and learn...
...us regular folks know
this exquisite little inconvenience
by the name of COMMERCIALISM
from bootleg recording "Project/Object" intro
The manner in which Americans "consume" music has a lot to do with leaving
it on their coffee tables,
or using it as wallpaper for their lifestyles,
like the score of a movie -- it's consumed that way without any regard for
and why it was made.
From "The Real Frank Zappa Book" (ch. 11)
Never stop and keep going
advice to young musicians. early 80's interview with
pennsylvania state police officer whom is also a zappa fan.
to be shown to local high school students of the
area but frank ended up on the subject of politics and you
imagine why the kids never seen this video.
Well Mike, I'm abnormal.
When FZ appeared on the Mike Douglas
show (solo, playing guitar with
recorded backup), Mike said "Your latest album is called Zoot Allures.
How do you
come up with such names for your records?" (or something equally
banal!) Frank's succinct reply is printed above.
long as somebody gets a laugh out of it, what the fuck?
From Guitar Player's "Mother of All Interviews" part 2, summing
All right kiddies, we'll play "wipe-out" for you in a moment.
to the crowd at a 1968 concert in Dallas, Tx
People who think of videos as an art form are probably
the same people
who think Cabbage Patch Dolls are a
revolutionary form of soft sculpture.
Zappa on videos (obviously) from Viva
Zappa - Biography
People make a lot of fuss about my kids having such supposedly 'strange names',
but the fact
is that no matter what first names I might have given them,
it is the last name that is going to get them in trouble.
the Real Fran Zappa Book - Mr. Dad chapter
The formal structure of "You Didn't Try to Call Me" is not
but it is interesting. You don't care.
Liner notes for "You Didn't Try to Call Me" on "Freak Out!"
Zowie" is what [Pamela Zarubica] says when she's not
grouchy...who would guess it could inspire a song? No one
guess. None of you are perceptive enough. *Why are
you reading this?*
Liner notes for "You Didn't Try to Call
Me" (yes, really) on "Freak Out!"
Carl Orestes Franzoni...is *freaky* down to his toe nails.
Some day he will
live next door to you and your lawn will die.
Liner notes for "Hungry Freaks, Daddy" on "Freak Out!"
out of school before your mind rots from exposure to
our mundane educational system. Forget about the Senior
go to the library and *educate yourself* if you've
got any guts. Some of you like *pep rallies* and plastic
tell you what to read. Forget I mentioned it.
*This song has no message.* Rise for the flag salute.
for "Hungry Freaks, Daddy" on "Freak Out!"
Of course you realize you won't be able to hear the organ
once we turn
the guitars on.
Introduction to "Louie, Louie" on "Uncle Meat"
My, you sure are slow here in Texas aren't
During a 1968 Dallas, Tex. tour, Frank was conducting the Mothers by flipping
the bird to the musician he
wanted to perform. He turned to the audience and
using both hands, he swept his fickle fingers wildly into the air. The
of several thousand at the convention center sat silent. "My you sure are
slow here in Texas, aren't you?" he
yelled and the punks went crazy!
Meanwhile at the Fornebu duty free shop
Phrase used between songs during
the march 1988 concert in
Skedsmohallen, near Oslo, Norway. Fornebu is the Oslo airport.
You think our music-
the Monkees music is banal and insipid?"
Frank replying to Mike Nesmith on an episode of "The Monkees"
Frank and Mike pretended to be each other for several
minutes before the opening theme.
If there is a hell, it
waits for them, not us!
There's no question in my mind -- the beer, the ballons and the bunting
all start with
"B" for some cosmic reason.
Words that star with B and remind him of the Republican party. The Real
Book. Page 238
Anyone who is disturbed by the idea of newts
in a nightclub is potentially dangerous.
can't remember the exact details but it was during
one of his trials. One of the prosecuting lawyers quoted
his lyrics which pertained to newts in a nightclub
and said he found this image disturbing. Frank responded
above. I like it as a sentence.
Ever try to have a conversation with someone on drugs? It just doesn't work...
during the summer of 1987, when asked by a DC
reporter, "what are your feelings on the war on drugs?" His
was to criticize the inherent invasion of
privacy, followed by the above statement against drug use.
know a revolution if it bit you on the dick.
In response to a young crowd member continually shouting
between songs at a late 60's gig.
The gig was at Middle Earth in Indianapolis, Indiana.
Nobody looks good with
brown lipstick on
from The Real Frank Zappa Book,
In other words, don't kiss ass.
No one has forced
Mrs. Baker or Mrs. Gore to bring Prince into their homes.
PMRC Hearing 1985
It began with lyrics, but even
looking at the PMRC fund raising
letter in the last paragraph, at the bottom of the page, it starts
looking like it's
branching into other areas when it says 'We realize
that this material's pervaded other aspects of society' and it's like
you gonna fix it all for me?'
Mr Zappa, I am astounded at the courtesy and soft voiced nature
of the comments
of my friend, the Senator from Tennessee. I can
only say that I find your statement to be boorish, incredibly and
insulting to the people who were here previously, that
you could manage to give the First Amendment of the Constitution
the United States a bad name, if I felt you had the slightest
understanding of it, which I do not.
You don't have the slightest understanding of the difference between
government action and private
action, and you have certainly destroyed
any case you might otherwise have had with this Senator.
to which Frank Zappa responds with
"Is this private action?"
I think you should leave it up to the parent, because
parents want to keep their children totally ignorant.
Frank Zappa in response to a question from Senator
Well, you and I would differ on what's ignorance and educated.
Senator Ernest Hollings to Zappa
Ladies and gentleman, even in this agricultural enviroment, We're gonna'
play a love song
This was about 1974
in Harrisburg Pa. at the Farm Show Arena, a week after
the Farm show had left town... Frank never admitted to playing
there, and I
can't say as I blame him. But, I will never forget what a magical night that
Tax the FUCK
out of the churches!
The concept of the rock-guitar solo in the eightees has
pretty much been reduced to: Weedly-weedly-wee,
make a face,
hold your guitar like it's your weenie, point it heavenward,
and look like you're really doing something.
Then, you get
a big ovation while the the smoke bombs go off, and the
motorized lights in your truss twirl around!"
Real Frank Zappa Book.
If there's ever an obscene noise to be made on an instrument,
it's gonna come out of a
guitar! On a sax you can play sleze,
on a bass you can play balls.but on a guitar you can be
truely obscene! Lets be
realistic about this, the guitar can
be the single most blastomphous device on the earth!
the guitar makes a stink noise.
thats why I like it!!
The first hyphen in MAH-JUH-REEN could be used for erotic gratification
by a very desparate
[ a ]
A Box of Fish with Tartar Sauce
A Boy Named Gomer
Above Average Weight Band
A Cat Born In
An Oven Isn't a Cake
Accidental Goat Sodomy
Adult Children of Heterosexuals
Afghanistan Banana Stand
Aggressive Crotch Display
Aha, the Attack of the Green Slime Beast
Albino Toilet Boys
Nymphos from Uranus
Alien Sex Fiend
Anal Beard Barbers
Ancient Chinese Penis
An Emotional Fish
Anus the Menace
The Archbishop's Enema Fetish
Arthur Loves Plastic
The Ass Baboons of Venus
Attila The Stockbroker
[ b ]
Baby Shit Brown
Badical Turbo Radness
The Bad Livers
Bad Mutha Goose
The Band Formerly Known As Sausage
A Band Named Bob
Barney Rubble and the Cunt Stubble
Barry White Boys
Bearded Itchy Lover
Beats the Hell Out of Me
The Bendy Monsters
Ben Wa and the Blue Balls
Bertha Does Moosejaw
Betty's Not a Vitamin
Biff Hitler and the Violent Mood Swings
Big Ass Truck
Big Balls and the Great White Idiot
Big Blow and the Bushwackers
Big Daddy Cumbuckets
Big Dead Fish
Big Dick and the Extenders
Big Fat Pet
Clams From Outer Space
Big Fish Ensemble
Big In Iowa
Big White Undies
The Biggest Freak in New Jersey
Bitter Enemies/Butter Enemas
Bizarr Sex Trio [sic]
Black Leather Agenda
Black Leather Jesus
Boba Fett Youth
Bobby Joe Ebola and the Children MacNuggits
Body Falling Down Stairs
Bolt Upright and the Erections
Bondage A Go Go
Boris the Sprinkler
The Bourbon Tabernacle Choir
Bozo Porno Circus
Bright Blue Gorilla
Buck Naked and the Bare Bottom Boys
Buck Satan and the 666 Shooters
Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellas
Buster Hymen & the Penetrators
[ c ]
Candy Striper Death Orgy
Cap'n Crunch and the Cereal Killers
Captain Drinking Binge
Cat Rapes Dog
Carter the Unstoppable Sexmachine
Cherry Coke Enema
Cherry Poppin' Daddies
Chewbacca Plaid Cock
Chickens On Smack
Chocolate Bunnies From Hell
Christ On A Crutch
Cindy Brady's Lisp
Clive Pig and the Hopeful Chinamen
Colon On The Cob
Cookie Mould and the Smegmettes
The Couch Slugs
the Clown and the Punch Drunk Monkies
Crazy Taco Cafeteria
Cream of Whoop-Ass Soup
Crocheted Doughnut Ring
Crybabies With Brassholes
The Cunning Runts
Cunts With Attitude
Curious George and the Homophobes
[ d ]
Dairy Queen Empire
Damn the Bad Luck
The Dancing French Liberals of 1848
Dead Fish Prophecy
The Dead Pants (Die Toten Hosen)
Desciples of Ed
Dick Cheese and the Crackers
Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles
and the Dorks
The Dick Nixons
Did Lee Squat?
Dirty Dick and the Trojan Test Pilots
Dirty Girl Scout
Disgruntled Postal Workers
The Dismemberment Plan
The Do I Look Like I Give a Fucks
Dog Food Five
Dogs With Jobs
Don Knotts Overdrive
Dracula Milk Toast
Draw Your Own Cow [Rita din egen ko]
Drive By Crucifixion
Drunks With Guns
[ e ]
Earthpig and Fire
Eat My Afterbirth
Ed Gein's Car
Electric Blue Peggy Sue and the Revolutionions from Mars
Elvis and the Shitheads
Emily's Sassy Lime
End of Orgy
Exploding Fuck Dolls
Exploding Head Trick
Exploding White Mice
[ f ]
Fangboy and the Ghouls
The Fat Chick from Wilson Phillips
Fearless Iranians From Hell
The Fellatio Ratio
Fields of Shit
The Fierce Nipples
Five Fat Guys Who Rock
Fix My Head
Donuts of Jesus
Flavor of Uranus
Four Honkies In a Big Black Car
Four Nurses of the Apocalypse
The Freaky Executives
The Fred Mertz Experience
Free Beer and Chicken
Free Range Chicken
French are from Hell
Frogs Don't Cry
The Fucking Cunts
Fuckin' Shit Biscuits
Fuckin' Son of a Bitch
Fuck Me, Suck Me, Call Me
Fuck Your Stupid Civilization
Fuck You Yankee Bluejeans
Full Throttle Aristotle
Full Metal Chicken
Full Metal Faggot
The Funkin' Donuts
Funman and the Scumbags
[ g ]
Gaye Bikers on Acid
Gee That's A Large
Beetle I Wonder If It's Poisonous
The Glands of External Secretion
Goldfish Don't Bounce
The Go Kill Yourselves
Go Nad Go
Grand Mother Fucker
Gregg Turner and the Blood Drained Cows
Guess My Perversion [Gissa min perversion]
[ h ]
Habitual Sex Offenders
The Hair & Skin Trading Co.
Hakan Sleeps Naked [Hakan Sover Naken]
Half Man, Half Biscuit
Halo of Flies
Palms and the Gym Towels
The Hate Fuck Trio
Head Like a Hole?
Heavy Pink Insulator
Helen Keller Plaid
The Helicopter Barfs [Helikoptern kraeks]
Hello I'm A Truck
Henry Kissinger's Tits
Here, Eat This!
Her Majesty the
He's Dead Jim
Hindu Garage Sale
Hitler Stole My Potato
Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of Death
Holy Mary, Mother of Bert
Hornets Attack Victor Mature
Hot Rod Shopping Cart
House of Large Sizes
Hugh Jorgan and the Four Skins
The Hurling Tandooris
[ i ]
I Buried Paul
If Cows Had Wings
I Just Killed My Parents
I Love My Shih-Tzu
Individual Fruit Pie
The Inflatable Boy Clams
Jesus Love Dolls
The Insult That Made a Man Out of Mac
The Introspective Playboy
Iowa Beef Experience
I Played in Anal Spew
It's All Meat
[ j ]
Jackie O Motherfucker
Jack Off Jill
Jason's Cat Died
The Jean Paul Sartre Experience
Jehovahs Witness Protection Program
Jesus Christ and the Nailknockers
Jesus Christ Super Fly
Jesus Chrysler Supercar
Jif and the Choosy Mothers
Jim Jones and the Kool Aid Kids
Joan of Arkansas
Jodie Foster's Army
John Cougar Concentration Camp
John Holmes: Cucumber Smuggler
Johnny McPenis and the Ass Clams
Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams
Johnny Uterus and the Fallopian Tubes
Jolly Naked Fishermen
Juggling Death Squad
[ k ]
Kamakazi Sex Pilots
Kathleen Turner Overdrive
Kick Ass Ernie
Kid Bastard and the Strap-on Dicks
Kill Ted Knight
Kissing the Pink
Knights of Butthole [Perseenreian Ritarit]
Kung Fu Action Clergy Persons
[ l ]
Lavay Smith and The Red Hot Skillet Lickers
The Leave It To Beaver Conehead Immolation
Lee Harvey Keitel
Lee Press-On and the Nails
Lesbian Dopeheads on Mopeds
Lip Smacking Kitten
Lisa Gives Head
Lord Panic and the Exploders
Lorne Greene's Wet Nipple
Lovebucket & Slapphappy Super-fly
The Luminous Toilet Bowls
[ m ]
Ma Joad and the Load-Blowers
Mary Carves the Chicken
Mary Kay and the Cosmetics
Me and My Right
Meat Beat Manifesto
Men Among Poodles
Microwavable Tree Frogs
Minnie Pearl Necklace
Minnie Pearl's Jam
Mr. Bill and the Cumtones
Mr. Happy and the Genocides
Quintron and the Flossy Unicorn Puppet Show
Mr. Tasty and the Bread Healers
Mr. T Experience
The Morbid Tavern Apple Choir
More Drunk Cowboys
The Most Sordid Pies
Mother Theresa's Children
[Moder Theresas Barn]
Mott the Hoople
Mouse and the Traps
Much Ado About Shit
My Dad is Dead
My Dog Has Hitler's Brain
My Uncle's Asshole
My White Bread Mom
[ n ]
Nancy Reagan's Abortions
Nasal Sex With Broken Glass
Nearly Died Laughing While Shaving My Butt
Ned's Atomic Dustbin
The Negro Problem
New Squids on
99th Fuck You
Nipple Hardness Factor
Noodle Muffin and the Pig Squints
Norman Bates and the Shower Heads
Not Drowning, Waving
Nuclear Pope Sex Dolls
Nurse With Wound
Nuts Can Surf
[ o ]
1,200,000 Dead Tibetians
1000 Homo DJs
Organic Condom Mazda Drugs
Out of Godzilla's Butt
Out Vile Jelly
Ozzy Beard Spaghetti
[ p ]
Painful Rectal Itch
Paisley Brain Cells
Pamper the Madman
Part Time Christians
Paul Minor's Great Big Ego
Peace Love and Pitbulls
Pearl Harbor and
The Pee Tanks
Ramrods of Death
Penis Your Majesty
People With Chairs Up Their Noses
Peter and the Test Tube Babies
Philemon Arthur and the
Picadilly Circus People
Pieces of Lisa
Pimps of Venus
Pink Slip Daddy
Planet of Pants
Plastic Nude Martini
Pope John Paul Quartet with Friends and Blowers on the Rocks
on a Stick
Porn on the Cob
Post Nasal Drip
Poultry in Motion
Power of Pussy
Printed At Bismarck's Death
Prison Rape Scenes
Psychic Buddist Gorillas
Psycho Sluts from Hell
Pure Bastard Extract
Purple Headed Love Warriors
Purple Vulture Shit
[ r ]
Rainbow Butt Monkeys
The Rampant Hedgehogs
Rash of Stabbings
Rats of Unusual Size
Real Fucking Idiots
Rebel Without Applause
REO Speed Dealer
Roid Rogers and the Whirling Butt
Root Boy Slim and the Sex-Change Band with The Rootettes
Rubber Nipple Salesmen
[ q ]
Quasimodo and the Eunuchs
Question Mark & the Mysterians
[ s ]
Sam Esh & Hard Black Thing
Sandy Duncan's Eye
Saturn Flea Collar
Dope for the Ultimate Woman
Scraping Foetus Off the Wheel
Screaming Fucking Hippies
Screaming Moist Accountants
7 Foot Spleen
Seven Year Bitch
Sex Clark Five
Sex With Midgets
She Stole My Beer
Sheep On Drugs
Temple of Doom
Shirley Temple Pilots
Shoot the Mime
Down In Ecuador, Jr.
The Shower Scene from Psycho
Shower With Goats
Simulated Orgasms [Simulerte Orgasmer]
Sister Run Naked
Six Inch Nipples
6 Hard Brothers and a Dog
Sluts for Hire
Small Ball Paul
Smegma & the
Snatches Of Pink
Snuff the Ficus
Sodom & Gomorrah Liberation Front
Some Kind of
Soothing Sounds For Baby
Sorry About Your Daughter
and the Groovy Gravy
The Spastic Rats
STAR DOT FAT]
Stinky Fire Engine
Stop Calling Me
Straight Jacket Lucy
Strong, Naked & Car Thieves [Sterk, Naken & Biltyvene]
Stud McCoy and the Creemy Twinkies
Stukas Over Bedrock
Sucking Chest Wound
Super Sonic Soul Pimps
The Surf Maggots
Surgical Penis Klinik
Susanne and the Guys With Ties
The Swinging Love Corpses
[ t ]
Tastes Like Chicken
T-Bone and the Spit Vendors
Technosquid Eats Parliament
Ted Bundy's Volkswagen
Teenage Jesus and the Jerks
Temporary Darkening of the Stool
Thank God We're Immortal
The Very Idea of Fucking Hitler
They Tried To Frame OJ
They Were Expendable
Thinking Fellers Union
Third Global Vagina Torture
This Is Our Daughter
This Is Serious, Mum
Thomas Jefferson Slave
3D House of Beef
Thurston Howell's Boner
and Shave in LA
Tonto's Expanding Headband
Too Fat to Skate
and the Tampons
Tracy & the Hindenburg Ground Crew
Trailer Park Casanovas
Trout Fishing In America
Two For Flinching
Two Minute Sinatra
[ u ]
Unidentified Rocking Objects
Uncle Bob Touched Me
Universal Orgiastic Picnic
Useless Pieces of Shit
[ v ]
Vagina Dentata Organ
Vaginal Blood Farts
Van Gogh's Ear
The Vast Void of Empty Nothingness
The Vegas Cocks
Venus and the Razor Blades
Vermin from Venus
The Veronica Cartwrights
Vaccume and the Attachments
Violent Anal Death
The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black
The Vomit Spots
Voodoo Meat Bucket
[ w ]
Waffles Against AIDS [Vafler mot AIDS]
Walking With Edna
Was I Naked
People in Giant Condoms
Weird Skull Control
The Well Hungarians
Wendy and Her Menstrual Cycles
When People Were Shorter and Lived By the Water
Where's The Pope?
White People Lie
White Trash Debutantes
Who The Hell Are You?
Willie Nelson Mandela
Wonderbred, the Refined White Flour
The Wrench Twisting Streetlickers
[ y ]
The Yams from Outer Space
The Yeasty Girls
Your Damn Neighbors
Your Naked Mother
[ z ]
Zombies Under Stress
Zoogz Rift and His Amazing Shitheads